Rise in single mothers reflects changing face of Chinese families

Healthier apart

Cheng Kaixi, 37, a global marketing and communication professional for an advertising technology company based in Guangzhou, Guangdong province, balances a high-pressure career with being a parent.

"The decision to end my eight-year marriage wasn't easy, but one moment stands out. I was picking up my husband's discarded laundry when I asked myself, 'Why do I still need this marriage? What is it truly bringing me?'" said Cheng.

She said, the traditional marriage model carried emotional and logistical burdens that extended beyond love, including care-giving, managing the household, and fulfilling societal expectations. Her ideal husband is a good partner, devoted father, and reliable provider.

"As I realized how absent he was in parenting, and our growing emotional distance, I understood that I didn't need the marriage to survive," said Cheng.

The hardest part was explaining the situation to her 11-year-old daughter and 6-year-old son.

"It was a delicate conversation. I wanted them to know that this wasn't about failure, but about creating a healthier life for all of us," said Cheng.

Surprisingly, leaving the marriage didn't require as much "rebuilding" as expected, as she had already shouldered most responsibilities on her own, she said. Yet, the financial strain grew as she became the sole provider for her daughter and aging parents. The boy is in the care of the father.

"Expenses like tuition fees, property costs, and daily needs increased. But rather than being burdened, I embraced the challenge. It taught me how strong and resilient I truly am," said Cheng.

She also believes in the importance of maintaining a sense of self. She is no longer just a mother consumed with the responsibilities of keeping the family together, but a woman who has embraced both independence and fulfillment, finding a balance between her personal and family life.

"Personal time is essential. I take at least half a day each weekend for myself — whether it's reading in a cafe, taking tennis lessons, or enjoying drinks with friends. These moments recharge me and help me remain a fulfilled person, not just a mother," said Cheng.

Despite her personal growth, she acknowledges the social stigma attached to single motherhood. Even her own mother hesitated about telling some relatives, as she was embarrassed and unsure how to explain the situation.

Her friends admire Cheng for her strength and they call her the most energetic single mother they know.

Although she faces challenges, Cheng remains hopeful about starting a new relationship, and is open to remarrying.

"I have learned to communicate better and understand myself more deeply. I hope for a relationship that's mature, equal, and nurturing," said Cheng.

She believes that single mothers are not fragments of a broken family, but a new definition of completeness, where love, strength, and an unyielding belief in the future are the foundations.

"Society needs to see us in our full complexity — we are professionals, caregivers, friends and individuals with dreams and ambitions. What we need is understanding and support — better child care policies, a fairer workplace, and more inclusive societal attitudes," she said.