Unwrapping the riddle that is China Post

Related video: Problem of the Chinese package

So it's Christmas. How do you send wrapped gifts to your loved ones from China, considering China Post has to look at what you are sending. And do not take wrapped gifts to China Post, expecting festive spirit to win over the counter clerk.

I have postal scars. At the end of November, I bought two gifts - calendars - one for my Mom's 70th birthday and another for a friend's wedding. I wrapped one in Chinese paper that said "Happy" in Mandarin, and another that said "Long Live". Neither described the character of the counter clerk at the China Post, nor my wishes for her future. She wanted to unwrap them. That would turn them into "Unhappy" and "Short Live", I said. She almost spat at me - and not in the Chinese way - and then said "no way" and, if even she didn't fling the gifts back toward me, it wasn't far off.