Filial piety, first among core values

Sometimes it surprises me to know that some parents bring up their children to be their insurance in old age. I always thought a parent's love and duty should be unconditional.

These parents invest heavily in the children, giving them the best they can afford - including material needs, education, pulling all available strings to get them a good job and even buying them a car and an apartment when they are about to marry.

In return, the parents expect the children to fulfill their filial duties.

It all seems the perfect picture of family bliss, except the perfect family has also succumbed to the increasing pressures of modern living.

In China, sons and daughters are sent to the best available universities, often in major cities and often hundreds, even thousands, of kilometers away from home.

Young people often also leave home for better job opportunities.

Those who are brought up well may remember home and family, calling home or visiting whenever they can.

A more common phenomenon sees the young caught up with their new lives and friends.

The old folks at home may wait in vain to catch a glimpse of these prodigal children.

Filial piety has long been considered the most important core value among the long list that Confucius expounded.

Filial piety should come naturally, yet it is so often a double-edged sword.

The blame may not lie entirely with the children.

In our current society, the last two generations have been brought up first by work unit nurseries, and then by grandparents. Even now, hundreds of thousands of children left behind by migrant workers live without the guidance of their own parents.

Many years on these children and their parents may have to learn to bond again as strangers.

The other problem in fulfilling filial duties is, ironically, the increased life expectancy.

I remember my grandfather telling me: "There are no filial children surrounding an aged, ailing parent's sick bed."

If that is the case, I am not so sure longevity is really so desirable.

Filial piety must come from the heart, when the child looks upon the elderly parent with love and wants to make his old age as comfortable as possible.

In real life, it is a cruel reality that filial piety is really more of an obligation. My friends in the US say their parents would rather be independent and check into a seniors' home than depend on them.

To my Asian mind, this seems really heartless.

Perhaps I have been brain-washed from young about how a child should love, respect and look after his or her parents till death.

But then, exactly how many of today's young people share my old-fashioned sentiments?

It is a running joke among our friends that whenever you see a public announcement on television persuading viewers to go home more often to visit their elderly parents, you know it has become a serious social malaise. And that's so sad.

Contact the writer at paulined@chinadaily.com.cn