Men can't shy away from paternal duties

According to Chinese tradition, the man earns the bread and the woman attends to household chores, including bringing up children. Men think career success is much more important than the household matters, which includes taking care of children.

In an ideal family — in which members share familial and social responsibilities — the husband should have a loving relationship with the woman of the house, look after the economic, physical and psychological needs of the children, as well as discipline them. In short, he should be an example of how a male member of society should behave.

Men pick up fathering skills from their fathers. Unfortunately, when this generation of fathers was growing up, their fathers were struggling for survival and, hence, did not have time to develop close relations with their children. For instance, Jackie Chan was sent to live in a kungfu school at the age of seven. He grew up in a fiercely competitive world and with little love from his family. As a youngster, he had no idea that a father’s responsibility toward his son went beyond providing him shelter in a good house or sending him to a famous school.

In today’s world, one of the most important responsibilities of fathers is to fulfill the emotional needs of their children. In fact, fathers’ overemphasis on earning as much money as possible is detrimental to children’s growth. According to a survey in Shanghai, the more a father earns, the more negatively his children are likely to be influenced.

Fathers and mothers are supposed to play complementary roles in bringing up children. The mother is a source of love, characterized by tenderness and tolerance. Symbolizing strength and courage, the father is the first person who teaches his son how to be a good man and his daughter the facts about the world of men. So, if the father doesn’t fulfill his duties, children’s psychological growth could suffer.

Since Chinese society today is different — that is, a lot more affluent— than what it was three decades ago, men cannot cite excuses for not fulfilling their paternal responsibilities, especially because the image of a father who is only good at making money is already outdated.

The author is director of the family research center at the China Youth & Children Research Center.